My Truth Behind the Smile: PMDD, Science, and Starting Over at 41

For most of my life, I wore a smile that didn’t tell the full story.

Behind that smile was a battle I didn’t understand—a monthly unraveling of my mind, emotions, and identity. For years, I was labeled with anxiety, depression, and mood swings. I was told to meditate, to exercise, to calm down. I was told I was too sensitive. Too emotional.

But none of it was “just in my head.”

It took over 15 years for me to find the name for what I had been experiencing:
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).
And naming it changed everything.

🌙 What Changed When I Learned the Truth

Understanding PMDD brought me a kind of freedom I didn’t expect. I finally had a reason—a scientific and neurological reason—for why I felt like a different person for half the month. My brain wasn’t broken. It was reacting—abnormally, but predictably—to natural hormonal shifts, especially involving progesterone and its metabolite allopregnanolone, which dysregulates GABA and serotonin systems in the brain.

Becoming aware of this condition didn’t just help me. It helped my partner. My friends. The people I work with. It helped them understand that my mood swings weren’t about them. They were part of a neuroendocrine disorder I was learning to manage—not hide.

📚 Knowledge Became My Power

One of the most life-changing moments came when I started reading books and research dedicated to PMDD. The science made sense—and for the first time in years, so did I.

I realized I wanted to go deeper. So, at 41 years old, I made a bold decision:
I enrolled in college.
I’m now studying Neuroscience and Behavior, not just for myself, but for every woman who has ever suffered in silence. I’m committed to discovering, supporting, and advancing new treatment options for PMDD. I won’t stop until we have more choices—until we’re seen.

🌿 Breaking the Generational Cycle

My healing journey has also meant facing the trauma I inherited. My mother never had the language or awareness to name what she went through. She lived in survival mode. And unknowingly, that lack of emotional regulation and support became my childhood environment.

That stops with me.

At 41, I’m not just managing PMDD—I’m making sure it doesn’t define the next generation. I’ve worked closely with trauma-informed therapists. I’ve committed to breaking cycles of silence, shame, and self-blame. And I’m raising awareness so that my children, and yours, grow up in a world where PMDD is no longer misunderstood—or ignored.

💪 Examples of Resilience and Hope

• I’ve built daily routines that stabilize my mood and support my nervous system.

• I’ve stayed in school while managing symptoms that once made work feel impossible.

• I speak openly about PMDD to create space for others to do the same.

• I’ve transformed pain into purpose—and that purpose keeps me moving forward.

🧠 The Neuroscience Promise for PMDD

Neuroscience is showing us that neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire and regulate—can offer real hope for people with PMDD. From vagus nerve stimulation to mindfulness-based neurotherapy, the future of PMDD treatment isn’t static. It’s evolving.

And I’m here for that evolution.

🌍 You're Not Alone—Reach Out

If you think you may be suffering from PMDD, don’t wait in silence.
Talk to a trauma-informed therapist. Track your cycle. Ask questions.
And connect with organizations like the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD), where you’ll find resources, community, and research-backed information to help guide your path.

Behind the smile you see today is a story of struggle—but also one of strength.
This is not the end. It’s a new beginning.
And I want every woman reading this to know: You can start over, too.